On a hot summer day, what’s better than a popsicle? And, really, if you’re going to eat a phallic treat, it might as well look real. Sadly, I think they’ve stopped making Cocksicles, but I still think they’re fantastic.
When these massive mams arrived from Topco, a friend picked up the box and said, “Holy shit, these are heavy!” My response? “Yeah? Try carrying them around all day and you’ll know how it feels to be a lady.”
I always threaten to set these up on the back of my chair as a neck pillow, or to prop them under my desk as an ergonomic footrest. For now, though, I keep them in their box on top of my cubicle, for all to see. I may get them a bra soon—-if I can find one big enough.
Back in college, I mostly wrote news and op-eds. When we ran low on writers, however, I would jump in and write whatever was needed to fill the paper. I’ll share my disastrous attempt to write a sports story soon, but I thought I’d start with something I actually knew how to write: a music review.
I was the managing editor at this point, and my entertainment editor wanted someone to review the new Good Charlotte album. I wasn’t willing to spend my hard-earned money on that particular disc (we didn’t get many review copies in those days), but I suggested we review the new (at the time) Citizen Cope LP. It would give me an excuse to buy the album without feeling guilty for adding more music to my too-large-for-my-iPod collection. Maybe the best part, though, was writing something that, for the first time in a while, wouldn’t cause a controversy, which at the time was my specialty.
One of the Penthouse columns I contribute to occasionally is “Hard News.” The column focuses on mainstream news involving sex, and the various writers who contribute give readers a taste of the good, the bad, and the ugly. This short clip I wrote was about a man who ended up getting down and dirty with some Krazy Glue after he pissed off his lady. Ouch!